I started to study brain science and neurology a few years ago and that interest has led me to some very interesting places. As I began to understand how the brain works with the nervous system, I realized that so much of what we do in a given situation has everything to do with our limbic system’s automatic responses (think fight, flight, freeze, fawn, etc.) and not much to do with our pre-frontal cortex (reasoning part of our brain).
Our responses to situations, especially unpleasant ones, are nearly all about whatever those circumstances remind our nervous system of. A very small amount of our response has to do with what is right in front of us. For instance, if we walk into a hospital room and smell the antiseptic cleaner, hear the beeping of the heart rate monitor and see an IV bag hooked up to the person we are there to visit, our nervous system will likely be triggered into the response that it had the last time we were in a similar situation. If the last time was at the birth of a child, we may experience a rush of warm feelings generated by oxytocin being released. If the last time was when we visited a child who was in a horrible accident, the cortisol that is released in our body may make it very difficult to enter the room. In that brief moment where our nervous system is driving the car, we may have the urge to run until our pre-frontal cortex takes over and tells us that we are actually there with someone who just needs a couple of stitches. There is a saying in trauma recovery circles, “There is no clock on the amygdala.” The amygdala is part of the alarm system in our brains that tell us when something is wrong. It is designed to cause our body to react before getting all the information because if your brain waited until it could analyze the data, you would be badly injured by the hot pan you just tried to pick up or the bus that was heading toward you. Your body is set up in a “shoot first, ask questions later” cycle when it senses danger.
One problem that some people have when this reflex is over developed is that we can react in alarm when there is no need to or sometimes, the alarm bells don’t even go off when there is a real danger. We can see danger everywhere or sometimes nowhere even when it does exist.
Resetting the sensor that activates the alarm system is something that requires some intentionality. We have to learn to stay in the present situation. Am I really in mortal danger of being burned to death or is that coffee cup just a little too hot to pick up right now? If we had been badly burned as a child, we might overreact without being able to control ourselves. For me, it was a near drowning experience in a river that always made me feel uncomfortable around rushing water. I eventually was able to make that connection and retrain my nervous system to not be so reactive.
It is really helpful to understand this process within ourselves. We may not be able to stop the reaction, but if we reflect on the experience with curiosity, we may be able to stop it sooner and prevent it from happening again. Understanding the origin of our reactions can help us recognize that what is happening in the moment is really not as dramatic as we thought it was. When we see it, we can catch ourselves before we go into a panic attack or lash out at loved ones out of fear. For some of us, detecting real danger is an issue because we have learned to turn off that alarm system just to get through the day.
The goal is to learn how to be anchored in the present situation. Is the pan too hot to pick up? Put it down for a few minutes or get a hot pad for it. Is the river rushing too fast? Step away from the edge and enjoy the sounds and sights from a safe distance. No need to feel panicky. Or at least, no need to add past panic to present circumstances.
The practice of being curious about where strong emotions are really sourced can help in managing relationships as well. Is someone lashing out at you because you startled them with a loud noise. Maybe that noise reminded their limbic system of a time when that loud noise was associated with an angry, drunk parent, crashing through the front door. Do you feel a sense of dread when someone doesn’t return a text or a phone call? Maybe it is related to a time when you needed a parent as a child and couldn’t find them. It is all related in our bodies and our nervous system has a much better memory than our thinking brain does. Sometimes people react strongly in a relationship because they are really reacting to something that happened long ago that made them feel helpless or diminished in some way.
There is a lot of wisdom in the practice of putting the past behind us. Staying present and dealing with only today’s issues today is the best way out of this cycle. This is what is meant by the term “mindfulness.” It is the practice of being present, or mindful, of the moment you are in right now. That way, your responses can be appropriate for the situation. As someone who’s nervous system has always been overreactive to the point of having an eye-twitch, this understanding has been life-altering for me. After some therapy and a whole lot of work on my stress responses, I am happy to report that the twitch is gone, and I am rarely hyper-reactive anymore. It is worth doing the work to sort it all out. It is also a really helpful life hack to be able to see how other people might be affected by their overly anxious limbic system. Maintaining a posture of compassionate curiosity for yourself and others may make a huge difference in how we navigate our lives,
